21 And the Lord
went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the
way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they
might travel by day and by night. 22 The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people. - Exodus 13:21-22
It was 7yrs after our marriage, 2 kids, and 4 apartments later, I told my husband that we needed to find a house. I was tired of moving around. I told God that I really wish to have a place to settle down for longer than an year or two before moving again. Have I mentioned that I moved across the ocean, and two apartments before I got married? All for my great adventure in life, oh yes, and for being part of God's grand story. Let's start with my moving across the ocean part, shall we?
After prayers answered, my dream come true, I was coming to US for studying my Master Degree! The only thing is that I didn't know anyone in the region. People told me to contact students association for connections and help. Exactly how I got connected with this specific student and found the apartment, I cannot remember. I do remember this - Praying and trusting a whole lot in God, and hoping He made the items on my wishing list come true. Did he?
With little budget I had, no connection in the city I was heading to, nor money for buying a car, I pray for a place that would have heat included in rent, near public transportation, and somewhat furnished. God gave me more than I asked for! It's an apartment with everything I prayed for, and more! The school shuttle was at the door step, bus stop as well. Laundromat, Chinese take out, and supermarket! Best of all, I didn't even need to move anything into the apartment, but "inherited" all the bed, desk, dinning set, cooking ware and more with $300 cash!
Just as I eventually flew oversea, signed the lease, settled in with my two big suitcases, I suddenly realized, I was really on my own. No more comfort zone. A set of keys, thousands of miles away from home and people I know, I truly had no one else. No go-to shops, no go-to friends, then I realized, there was not even rice! Where can I get a bag of rice? I can't afford buying cooked rice from a take out place all the time. Too expensive! This might seem funny and silly for me now, it was a serious issue. As someone had no car, nor connection, not to mention having no knowledge of where a Chinese supermarket was, I was truly lost. I prayed, as I had done all along. One day, while I was looking through things I inherited along with the furniture I purchased through out the apartment, underneath the kitchen sink, I saw a bag! A bag with little white cornel in it! It's was a new bag of rice! It's sitting there, unopened, patiently awaiting my discovery! As if it had been there waiting for me all these time! I was SO happy and praising the Lord!
Sure, there was more to my new life at a new school and place in this new country. But, this first step was set in such a way that I cannot take any credit; in such unforgettable way that I can never forget how God was present in this chapter of my story. Actually, not only was He present, but He went before me. He went and prepared everything for me. He knew exactly what I need when I needed it. He knew, this was just the beginning of the big long journey ahead of this naive girl from Asia. The girl who had no one else to hold onto but trusted Him wholeheartedly. She was holding on nothing but His hand to start this unknown journey in America. So, He made sure the starting of this new chapter was grand, super and unforgettable. He made sure His fingerprint was clearly shown, and His story is written through mine; so not only I will never forget, but His name be forever praised and glorified.
Just like He did for the Israelite thousands of years ago, He had done it over and over again for all His children faithfully through out the ages, and He surely did/does it for me - He went before me, by day in the pillar of cloud to lead me along the way, and pillar of fire by night to give me light, did not depart from before me. Wherever it goes, I go; wherever it stops, I stop. It's not always the easiest way, but it's always the best way. For it's prepared and led by the Lord.
And it's Because He Loves Me So ...
30 "The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes," - Deuteronomy 1:30
6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Monday, June 22, 2015
Umbrella and Rain
It's Spring, with rain showers and storms. I love it, so do my girls. One day, as we walked together to the car sharing one big umbrella in my hands, my older girl started telling her little sister, "You know, I remember one time, when I was at Kindergarten, mom tried to walk me from the car to the class with her umbrella, but the wind was so strong, it blew the umbrella inside out! We got wet! But mommy got more wet than I did! For I was hiding next to mommy, and she was holding me with her arm!"
I then quickly follow along the line, using the opportunity, asked my girls, "So, what do you think, whenever we feel like we are very sad or hurt, as if we got soaking wet in life, would Jesus be there? Or he would just let us stand in the rain all by ourselves?" Big girl said, "Of course Jesus would be there! He would be like mama, holding the big umbrella, and we just hide next to Him." Little girl said, "Jesus is there!"
I then added, "Yes, you are right! Even if He let us get a little wet, we just need to remember that He actually is trying to hold on to that umbrella and is getting more wet than we do; but is still protecting us!"
There, just like that, as simple as a conversation we have while walking in the rain with the umbrella, God reminded (is reminding) me that He is there, has always been there, holding the umbrella for me and my family, even though we still got wet a little.
Thank you Lord,
Thank you Jesus,
For telling me Your Truth,
And showing me Your Love,
Out of the mouth of Angel girls' you entrusted me to care for!
And it's because -
Because You love me so ~ .
I then quickly follow along the line, using the opportunity, asked my girls, "So, what do you think, whenever we feel like we are very sad or hurt, as if we got soaking wet in life, would Jesus be there? Or he would just let us stand in the rain all by ourselves?" Big girl said, "Of course Jesus would be there! He would be like mama, holding the big umbrella, and we just hide next to Him." Little girl said, "Jesus is there!"
I then added, "Yes, you are right! Even if He let us get a little wet, we just need to remember that He actually is trying to hold on to that umbrella and is getting more wet than we do; but is still protecting us!"
There, just like that, as simple as a conversation we have while walking in the rain with the umbrella, God reminded (is reminding) me that He is there, has always been there, holding the umbrella for me and my family, even though we still got wet a little.
Thank you Lord,
Thank you Jesus,
For telling me Your Truth,
And showing me Your Love,
Out of the mouth of Angel girls' you entrusted me to care for!
And it's because -
Because You love me so ~ .
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
The Lord's Prayer
When I was little, my mom would place me on my back, laying on her laps, lean my head backwards to wash my hairs. She would chat with me then, with all kinds of things. I don't really remember much, but do still recall that hair washing time is a mommy loving me time.
Although not remembering much of the conversation took place then, I do remember, that's the time I learned The Lord's Prayer, in Taiwanese. (Not even in Mandarin, but Taiwanese.) Whenever my mom was teaching me that, my father would be standing at the bathroom door, questioning my mom, "Is it necessary to teach her that prayer, since she is so little?" Mom would always smile, gently replied, "Yes, why not?" then proceed to teaching me the prayer. That period of time didn't last long. She passed away when I was nine year old.
Oh, was my mom right? That prayer, has been a prayer for me to hold onto live through out the years.
It's the prayer I say, when I miss my mommy.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel scared.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel hurt.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel lonely and helpless.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel blessed and happy.
It's the prayer I say when I don't know what to say in prayers.
It's the prayer I say when ...... whenever!
You see, It's the prayer I say all the time. For it reminds me that hair washing time I spent with my mommy. It reminds me my mommy's hands and voice. It reminds me the warmth of her laps and hugs. It reminds me when I was sitting next to her in the pew at church and try to catch up with her reciting the Lord's Prayer. It reminds me there is always guidance from Him whenever there is none within sight. It reminds me there is comfort from Him when I was/am hurt and have no mom (or no one) in reach for comfort.
It reminds me, no matter how cruel this world could be, there is always Him; His hands to hold onto; His Words to believe in; His world to look forward to; His race to keep running for; His Kingdom to trust and lean upon; His love, above all, to take security in. It reminds me what Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9-13:
"Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debt, as we forgive our debtors.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil,
For Yours is the kingdom, and Power, and the Glory, forever."
(and yes, I still recite it in Taiwanese.)
I now have two girls, I am teaching them to say the Lords prayers as well,
because I love them.
My mom taught me this, because she loves me.
My Lord helped me learn and remember the prayer,
Because He Loves Me So.
Although not remembering much of the conversation took place then, I do remember, that's the time I learned The Lord's Prayer, in Taiwanese. (Not even in Mandarin, but Taiwanese.) Whenever my mom was teaching me that, my father would be standing at the bathroom door, questioning my mom, "Is it necessary to teach her that prayer, since she is so little?" Mom would always smile, gently replied, "Yes, why not?" then proceed to teaching me the prayer. That period of time didn't last long. She passed away when I was nine year old.
Oh, was my mom right? That prayer, has been a prayer for me to hold onto live through out the years.
It's the prayer I say, when I miss my mommy.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel scared.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel hurt.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel lonely and helpless.
It's the prayer I say, when I feel blessed and happy.
It's the prayer I say when I don't know what to say in prayers.
It's the prayer I say when ...... whenever!
You see, It's the prayer I say all the time. For it reminds me that hair washing time I spent with my mommy. It reminds me my mommy's hands and voice. It reminds me the warmth of her laps and hugs. It reminds me when I was sitting next to her in the pew at church and try to catch up with her reciting the Lord's Prayer. It reminds me there is always guidance from Him whenever there is none within sight. It reminds me there is comfort from Him when I was/am hurt and have no mom (or no one) in reach for comfort.
It reminds me, no matter how cruel this world could be, there is always Him; His hands to hold onto; His Words to believe in; His world to look forward to; His race to keep running for; His Kingdom to trust and lean upon; His love, above all, to take security in. It reminds me what Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9-13:
"Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debt, as we forgive our debtors.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil,
For Yours is the kingdom, and Power, and the Glory, forever."
(and yes, I still recite it in Taiwanese.)
I now have two girls, I am teaching them to say the Lords prayers as well,
because I love them.
My mom taught me this, because she loves me.
My Lord helped me learn and remember the prayer,
Because He Loves Me So.
Friday, April 3, 2015
One Unforgetable Easter
The Easter weekend is here, after attending the Good Friday service this evening, I recalled this one particular Easter weekend that changed my life forever. Not really sure when it was, but possibly the same year I wrote my first blog post, in 2005.
That particular weekend, I was playing rehearsals and concerts with this orchestra, Haddonfield Symphony, currently named Symphony In C, in NJ. I didn't have a car then, so was touring on the bus provided by the orchestra. There was this girl, Jessica, devoted Christian, whose path God put across mine in order for us to walk together in our graduate study years. She was touring on the bus that weekend as well. It was late on Saturday night, after a long day and concert, we were on the bus, on the way back to Philly. Jessica and I somehow was not tired enough to stop talking, and so, the conversation got carried on.
(Before I go into details about the conversation, let me paint a thin layer of rough background. I had a few horrible romantic relationships growing up, and somehow found myself in that pattern again then, at that moment of my life. So, after attending this particular church with solid Bible teaching sermons, I was desperate in trying to figure many things out. Now back to that Saturday night)
Starting from this casual conversation, we got to talk about relationships; then romantic relationship, then I said, "Now after attending this solid Bible teaching church for sometime, and learning so much about God and His law, I feel so bad and guilty about myself. On top of that, I don't even know if I could ever get a nice Christian man to date me, let alone marrying one! " Although the details of Jessica's reply is somewhat a blur now, I remember her telling me, "You see, my friend, that's why Jesus die on the cross for us, to purchase us with a price - His blood - from the enemy, loosen up our chains, and set us free! You are His precious child. ...... " I then nodded, agreed but didn't really understand.
The next morning, on the Easter Sunday, Jessica and I were playing together again, this time as stand partner at the church. After all the routines, the sermons started. As it went on, I could not believe what I was hearing. The sermon, that sermon, I have heard it before, somewhere! But Where? When? How? ...... THE NIGHT BEFORE! It was the night before on that bus! No, I am not exaggerating! It was! It was not just a casual girls chat. It was God! He took the script from the pastor's file, through Holy Spirit, put it into Jessica's mind; then by using her willing heart and mouth, He let me preview / per-hear the sermon. So the next day, when I got to hear it again, He could make sure to tell me, "Yes, it's Me. You heard Me twice now. You are Mine. I have purchased you with a price, and I love you."
At the end of that sermon, Jessica and I looked at each other, she then said, "Did you hear that??" I replied, "I know! It's weird !" Needless to say, I had goose bumps all over, and could not stop my tears streaming down my face. I know right there and then, He was near; Holy Spirit was there. I was purchased with a price. I belong to Him. And, He loves me - that broken hearted, insecure, very lost, me. It was on that unforgettable Easter Sunday, I felt it for the first time - He loves me, He really does! He loves me so much that He died on that Cross for me. On the third day, He rose again from the dead, defeated the darkness with victory. I found my true love at last, on that Cross, with His blood, with His victory, and it was because ~
Because He Loves Me So.
That particular weekend, I was playing rehearsals and concerts with this orchestra, Haddonfield Symphony, currently named Symphony In C, in NJ. I didn't have a car then, so was touring on the bus provided by the orchestra. There was this girl, Jessica, devoted Christian, whose path God put across mine in order for us to walk together in our graduate study years. She was touring on the bus that weekend as well. It was late on Saturday night, after a long day and concert, we were on the bus, on the way back to Philly. Jessica and I somehow was not tired enough to stop talking, and so, the conversation got carried on.
(Before I go into details about the conversation, let me paint a thin layer of rough background. I had a few horrible romantic relationships growing up, and somehow found myself in that pattern again then, at that moment of my life. So, after attending this particular church with solid Bible teaching sermons, I was desperate in trying to figure many things out. Now back to that Saturday night)
Starting from this casual conversation, we got to talk about relationships; then romantic relationship, then I said, "Now after attending this solid Bible teaching church for sometime, and learning so much about God and His law, I feel so bad and guilty about myself. On top of that, I don't even know if I could ever get a nice Christian man to date me, let alone marrying one! " Although the details of Jessica's reply is somewhat a blur now, I remember her telling me, "You see, my friend, that's why Jesus die on the cross for us, to purchase us with a price - His blood - from the enemy, loosen up our chains, and set us free! You are His precious child. ...... " I then nodded, agreed but didn't really understand.
The next morning, on the Easter Sunday, Jessica and I were playing together again, this time as stand partner at the church. After all the routines, the sermons started. As it went on, I could not believe what I was hearing. The sermon, that sermon, I have heard it before, somewhere! But Where? When? How? ...... THE NIGHT BEFORE! It was the night before on that bus! No, I am not exaggerating! It was! It was not just a casual girls chat. It was God! He took the script from the pastor's file, through Holy Spirit, put it into Jessica's mind; then by using her willing heart and mouth, He let me preview / per-hear the sermon. So the next day, when I got to hear it again, He could make sure to tell me, "Yes, it's Me. You heard Me twice now. You are Mine. I have purchased you with a price, and I love you."
At the end of that sermon, Jessica and I looked at each other, she then said, "Did you hear that??" I replied, "I know! It's weird !" Needless to say, I had goose bumps all over, and could not stop my tears streaming down my face. I know right there and then, He was near; Holy Spirit was there. I was purchased with a price. I belong to Him. And, He loves me - that broken hearted, insecure, very lost, me. It was on that unforgettable Easter Sunday, I felt it for the first time - He loves me, He really does! He loves me so much that He died on that Cross for me. On the third day, He rose again from the dead, defeated the darkness with victory. I found my true love at last, on that Cross, with His blood, with His victory, and it was because ~
Because He Loves Me So.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Because He Loves Me So ...
Almost ten years after my first blog post, I found myself often time contemplating with what my life has been like these past ten years (and more). With lots emotions and thoughts, yet never have time to even sit down, let alone writing them all down, I then recalled, "hey, once upon a time, I had a blog site!". Went through the old posts, saw how God had answered many of my prayers, yet at the same time, He has been busy taking me through lots of trials. With much evidence of His fingerprints in my life, I am praying that I will be able to set aside time to sit down and write down all my testimonies, one at a time (irregularly).
Because, without Him, I would not have made it this far in life.
Because, without Him, I would have given up live long ago.
Because, after looking back and thinking through all those times when He was(and still is) so near to me,
I realize now, more clear than ever,
My life and trials are planned this way for His Glory alone, and ~
Because He Loves Me So.
Because, without Him, I would not have made it this far in life.
Because, without Him, I would have given up live long ago.
Because, after looking back and thinking through all those times when He was(and still is) so near to me,
I realize now, more clear than ever,
My life and trials are planned this way for His Glory alone, and ~
Because He Loves Me So.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Then this was written on 7/25/2005 ...
Psalm 146:1-2 {Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live. I will singe praise to my God while I have my being.}
This morning in Tenth Church, there was a lady on the stage, who has some kind of paralysis (which makes her lose her verbal, muscle and hearing abilities),sharing her faith with us.(sorry...I don't really know the exact term for the disease she has but can only describe what I saw from her appearance.) "How then did she share her faith?", you might ask. Well, thanks to our new computer technology, she was typing on the the stage via a computer that would speak for her. In normal settings, she communicates with people and "listen to sermons" by using sign language. However, she needed to put together all her strength to just barely control her arms movement, yet TYPE out those words that she would like to share (Sorry for not having exactly gotten to THE point yet, please bare with me.)
During the whole "speech", she shared about how God loves her, gave His only son to die for her, and give her His mercy and grace. Now, I assume there is nothing too new for us about this theology. However, it's not that the theology she shared surprised me but rather some words she shared through her "hard working typing" touched me. She said, "I know that He loves me and I love Him. Jesus is my best friend. Jesus is with me everyday. I know He died for me and I will be able to meet Him someday. By then, I will be in the new body. I will be able to move freely and I will be able to HEAR Him, TALK to Him, and SING PRAISES TO HIM OUT LOUD! Thank Him for loving me through people here in the church......I thank God for giving me the opportunity to share my faith and to be able to encourage one another..."
How much have we, healthy people, been taking everything for granted?! We have ears to hear, yet don't listen as carefully as we should and can; we have well functioned body, yet don't do the job that we are supposed to do for God; we have voice, yet not only we don't speak with the right words to honor Him, nor do we sing or praise loud enough to worship Him! Moreover, we complaint to Him that we don't have "enough" in order to glorify Him! How selfish are we! How hypocritical are we!
Even if we cannot sing "beautifully",Bible does say, "Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a JOYFUL NOISE to the rock of our salvation! ~ Psalm95:1-2" Even if we are not the richest people in the world, He does promise that we will have everything sufficiently and commends us to give generously. No to mention to give honor to Him and glorify Him with our life fully! So, what more excuses we can find? If a lady , who has all the weakness and sufferings, can give thanks, have the heart of worship, and moreover has so MUCH FAITH and such STRONG CONVICTION. Then, how much more we are able to do for Him???
It's not that He needs us...but about how much we can offer ourselves to be a part of His Kingdom Building Project...that's what it's all about...."Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples! Sing to Him; sing praises to Him; tell of all His wondrous works! Glory in His holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually! ~ 1 Chronicles 16:8-12
This morning in Tenth Church, there was a lady on the stage, who has some kind of paralysis (which makes her lose her verbal, muscle and hearing abilities),sharing her faith with us.(sorry...I don't really know the exact term for the disease she has but can only describe what I saw from her appearance.) "How then did she share her faith?", you might ask. Well, thanks to our new computer technology, she was typing on the the stage via a computer that would speak for her. In normal settings, she communicates with people and "listen to sermons" by using sign language. However, she needed to put together all her strength to just barely control her arms movement, yet TYPE out those words that she would like to share (Sorry for not having exactly gotten to THE point yet, please bare with me.)
During the whole "speech", she shared about how God loves her, gave His only son to die for her, and give her His mercy and grace. Now, I assume there is nothing too new for us about this theology. However, it's not that the theology she shared surprised me but rather some words she shared through her "hard working typing" touched me. She said, "I know that He loves me and I love Him. Jesus is my best friend. Jesus is with me everyday. I know He died for me and I will be able to meet Him someday. By then, I will be in the new body. I will be able to move freely and I will be able to HEAR Him, TALK to Him, and SING PRAISES TO HIM OUT LOUD! Thank Him for loving me through people here in the church......I thank God for giving me the opportunity to share my faith and to be able to encourage one another..."
How much have we, healthy people, been taking everything for granted?! We have ears to hear, yet don't listen as carefully as we should and can; we have well functioned body, yet don't do the job that we are supposed to do for God; we have voice, yet not only we don't speak with the right words to honor Him, nor do we sing or praise loud enough to worship Him! Moreover, we complaint to Him that we don't have "enough" in order to glorify Him! How selfish are we! How hypocritical are we!
Even if we cannot sing "beautifully",Bible does say, "Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a JOYFUL NOISE to the rock of our salvation! ~ Psalm95:1-2" Even if we are not the richest people in the world, He does promise that we will have everything sufficiently and commends us to give generously. No to mention to give honor to Him and glorify Him with our life fully! So, what more excuses we can find? If a lady , who has all the weakness and sufferings, can give thanks, have the heart of worship, and moreover has so MUCH FAITH and such STRONG CONVICTION. Then, how much more we are able to do for Him???
It's not that He needs us...but about how much we can offer ourselves to be a part of His Kingdom Building Project...that's what it's all about...."Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples! Sing to Him; sing praises to Him; tell of all His wondrous works! Glory in His holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually! ~ 1 Chronicles 16:8-12
On 7/23/2005, Almost Ten Years Ago I wrote ...
Psalms 112:10 "...the desire of the wicked will perish."... How can we be sure that our longings are godly? We can examine their source. What needs do they spring from? What purpose will they fulfill? If they exist to satisfy our own insecurities and plans, we need to reconsider them. They should spring from the love of God and His word. When they do, they will be fulfilled. God has promised. ......Is your heart in line with God? ... (by Chris Tiegreen, The One Year Walk with God)
There are so many things we want and chase after in this life, on this earth. Things like career, family, money, friendship, and romantic relationship...etc You name it. how often we would say to ourselves or even others, "Only if I could achieve this, or After I have achieved this step, I will be able to feel contained; I will be able to do so much more; I will be able to...???" There is always something...yet...the truth is, nothing will ever make us satisfied; make us contained; make us happy; NOTHING WILL EVER FILL UP OUR BOTTOMLESS CUP!, our desire and our heart is in line with HIS! UNLESS, whatever we do we do for the glory of GOD. In all aspect of our life. From as little as "what shall I wear?" to as big as "which direction shall I go for the rest of my life?"
Personally, I think it's a life time lesson and searching. Yet, we can start to learn and get a hang of it as soon as we can. Am I doing it well? I doubt it. I am wrestling with Him daily about what I desire to have and about my future. What should I do for the rest of my life? Will I ever be blessed for having a family and kids? Will I ever be an orchestra player? Is that ;my own vanity or His will for me as well? ...countless questions...yet...I don't want to give up...I will never let go His hands...I will keep searching, seeking,, and trying...until He answers all my questions...until my job on this earth is done...until HE will be able to say to me, "Good job, my faithful servant!" ...Although I know, it's a long way to go...and I am just at the starting point. O Lord our God, grant us grace to desire Thee with our whole heart. ~ St. Anselm
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